3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
