i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
