Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
