i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
