STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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