i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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