I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
