I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
