i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
