I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We are two peas in an std pod
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
