Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize