ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
