He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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