I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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