Ambien. No doubt about it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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