remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
