At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
