No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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