hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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