On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm sobbing to NWA
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
