No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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