I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We had to coat check the pizza.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
