birth control should be required to get into college
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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