i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Randomize
