hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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