That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
