He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
