You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
