You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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