just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
