I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
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