There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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