I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
