no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
