Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
