Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I bet he comes in French.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
