my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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