he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
