bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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