My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Who died my cat blue again?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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