I look better un-naked...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
