My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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