I wanna bring you to show and tell
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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