shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
someone threw a dead crab at me
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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