I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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