i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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