escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
