I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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