I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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