She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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