WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
PANTIES FOUND
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize