i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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