just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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