I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i permit you to call me
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
