I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
