i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize