I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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