my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
