butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
