I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
