I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
