Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
