i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
