I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
