My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
