I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
