i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
