Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I supernannyed him into submission
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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