for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
