Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
