Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
