the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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