i already hear my dad disowning me
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
