I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
