I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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