You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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