Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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