I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
