i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
