no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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