is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize