Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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