If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
