I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
