every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
