Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
