it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
