There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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