worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
