I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
