New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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