If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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